After two and a half years, I can finally say that I am done with grad school. I have completed all my course work, and all I am waiting for is the administrative paperwork to be pushed through. Being that I haven’t made a post in a while and I am closing a chapter in my life, I thought I would combine the two things. So without further delay, here is the story of my grad school experience…
It all started about early 2007, when my (then) wife had just quit her job for medical reasons and was having a rough time. She decided that she wanted to further her education (a decision that I supported fully) and started searching for programs that would interest her. After some digging, she found a program at Kennesaw State University that would allow her to attend classes on the web (a must since we lived in the middle of nowhere) and had some other interesting features. We ended up going to an open-house at the KSU campus and were thoroughly impressed. The program seemed tailor made for the working professional who already had a degree in IS/CS, and needed to take classes online. It also helped that enrollment in the program also came with some nice perks (read technology schwag) such as a laptop. Not only was my wife excited about this program, but it also sparked a interest in me. I actually made several comments to her about attending the same program, but only after she had completed hers. Needless to say, she ended up enrolling and starting the program and life moved on.
Fast forward a bit to early 2008, my wife had left me and I had a lot of idle time on my hands. In order to fill some of that time, I started to acquire new interests to fill up my schedule and help maintain some sense of normalcy. First, I tried learning how to ride a motorcycle and while that turned out to be a good thing for me (you can see my other posts about that) it didn’t really fill the time like I wanted it to. Next, I decided I needed to learn a skill which would push me a little bit and decided on learning how to play the guitar (which is still on the plate). Learning guitar at that point in my life proved to be very difficult, as I was having some difficulty focusing on learning entirely new topics. By that time, it was reaching the middle of the year. My separation from my wife was putting a big strain on me, and it was made worse by the fact that she was leaving the country as part of the KSU program. Slowly, it finally sunk into my brain that I could really benefit from obtaining a higher degree. A good bit of my “normal” stress was from the fact that I was stuck in a dead-end tech support job, which I had taken to allow my wife to further her career. Now that it seemed I had lost the reason for having that job, it was time for me to make some strides into progressing my own career. Unfortunately, I had been in tech support for so long and had been so long out of college that I could not realistically attain a job position that I wanted (sys admin, btw). Since the program at KSU was tailor-made for people like me, I decided to take the plunge. It helped a lot that one of my student-workers/friends was also looking at attending, so I would actually know someone going in. So in August of 2008, I started my first semester of the Masters of Applied Computer Science program at KSU.
The first semester was pretty rough not because of only because of school, but also because of life issues. It was apparent that my marriage was over and had been since my wife had moved in with one of our male “friends”, but it was being dragged out for quite a while (partially to me being stubborn and insisting that my now future-ex file the paperwork). The emotional turmoil spilled over into my professional life and I was having trouble at work due to missing so many days (I have since found out that stress does bad things to my body. Really, really bad things.) It was also really hard on me that I was having trouble maintaining friendships and doing anything socially. Luckily, I had good friends to help me out when I was down and my friend in the program helped me stayed focused and prepared. Also, one of the women I had met in this period was turning out to be someone who I got along well with and was very supportive and caring. Of all the wonderful people who supported me, I would have to say that she was the most amazing. Simply because not many women are willing to talk to, let alone spend time with, divorced or soon to be divorced males. It frustrated me to no end that I was treated as a horrible person, simply because I was being divorced. Although I may have had some issues, I was not a bad person and did not deserve to be stereotyped the way I was. It was my first encounter with misandry (prejudice against males), which I would encounter again during my divorce. That being said, the wonderful individual and I ended up going on several dates (which were wonderful and some of the few times I was able to climb out of my funk).
The second semester, was much like the first. Mainly, because I finally convinced my soon to be ex to actually become my ex. After harassing her for the first couple of month of 2009, she finally filled out the paper work (which I submitted) and we had our court date. Normally, I wouldn’t have taken this well anyways. It was made worse for me when the previously mentioned “friend” and my ex got engaged on the day after the papers were signed (and the fact that I lost some friends during the fallout). Needless to say, my stress levels peaked and I was a mess. Thanks to some sound guidance from my remaining friends and some insight from the increasingly special lady in my life, I was able to gain some ground on having a normal life. My friend in the program worked extra hard, and managed to help bring me back to sanity and started to bring my focus around to being mostly on school. It was at this point that I realized that those who had stuck with me (friends and family), were some of the most awesome people alive. My appreciation for those people are what turned everything around, and started the process of me going from sad divorced Brinson to just happy Brinson.
My third semester, was the turning point for my grad school career. For the first time, I was able to focus on school and and not just skate by on previous knowledge. I ended up spending a good bit of time studying and doing my projects and simply enjoying the time spent acquiring knowledge. Not to say there wasn’t stress, just that it was the normal “OMG, how am I going to get this done in time!” kinda stress. I spent a majority of this semester fighting with my procrastination. I really didn’t want to end up failing or doing poorly because I put things off, and tried many different ways to motivate myself to do things. Lists turned out to be the way, and I learned to love the joy of marking an item off my list. Unfortunately, this was the last semester that my friend in the program and I were in classes together. He ended up getting a job at the local VA, and changing his schedule up. It made working on our projects together a bit frustrating, but at the end of the semester we pulled through.
My fourth semester, it was just me and the classes. We fought and had mighty battles, but eventually I came out on top. I started to actually get the hang of things this semester, which was sad considering it was so late in my grad school career. I was just starting to get the hang of when things needed to be done, and when I was going to be a complete wreck as I entered the crunch time. Luckily, by this time I had officially started dating my lady friend. She was the main reason I had a social life this semester, and I ended up learning that I functioned better if I didn’t try to force myself to focus on school all the time. Things at work were getting better, too. I went from answering the phones at the help desk, to being an actual technician. Although it was largely a lateral move, the stress levels were so much less because of it. Not only did this reinforce my belief that you have to be either a saint or insane to work a help desk, but it made me really take stock of where I was. Although I can do technical support and do it quite well, it is not the career path for me. So, I started looking for jobs and applying for sys admin positions. This wasn’t a serious attempt, because I was still in grad school. I wanted to get into the habit, though, since I was approaching my last semester.
During my fifth and final semester, I learned three very important lessons. One, although many people rail against it and I struggled mightily to correct mine, procrastination is a valuable skill. Not the actually putting off of tasks, but the associated lack of worry that you develop at doing so. At some point, you have several very important things to work on and you can’t do them all at once. So you have to learn to put some things off, and to not have those worries about completing them nag at you. Procrastination does this for you, so you should endeavor to manage it rather than eliminate it. Two, some professors are either could not handle the world outside of academics and went insane or were already there to begin with. I don’t know how many job listings I looked at that required not only a degree, but also good communication skills. Supposedly, you learn these things in college/grad school and then use them in the real world. However, throughout my grad school career I ran into multiple instances where communication was either lacking or just not there! Which brings me to the third lesson, despite whatever may happen you must soldier on. Really. I think the thing that saved me the most was to just continue on, despite whatever insane request was thrown at me or whatever lack of guidance there was.
So there you have it, my journey through grad school. I know there was very little detail on what classes I took and from who, not to mention the subject matter learned in those classes. The knowledge itself was more of the motivation for the journey, and not so much the obstacle. The obstacles I did face were mainly myself and the events in my life during my time in grad school, and I think the best things I learned were from how to deal with those while still focusing on learning. I learned more than just how to code software or build a system, I learned a bit about how to manage my life in all its aspects. It can be really tricky to balance your work/school/personal life and not fall into the traps that come with focusing too much on one and not the others. It wasn’t a very strong point for me before, and I still hope to improve at it now that I only have work/personal to deal with.
Which brings me to my next point, the people in your life help shape how you experience it. As I went through the program, I ended up losing people who were very dear to me and I honestly thought that was a reflection on me. It was only after I looked at the people who had stuck around, the core of my social structures, that I realized how wrong I had been. Those that had stuck, that had remained by me and helped me, were some of the most kind, caring, wholeheartedly wonderful people I have ever had the privilege to know. They had provided me with support when I was weak, and guidance and forgiveness when I was wrong. I was surrounded by these wonderful giving people, and they wanted me to succeed in all areas of my life. They did not judge unnecessarily, and they weren’t pushovers. They were strong-willed and stuck to their beliefs, while allowing me to be just the same. These are the people who reflected on me, and who truly influenced how I experienced life. Friends and family from both near and far and in all stations of life, who all made my life better just by my knowing them. They have showed me my ultimate goal, and provide me with the motivation for it. My only goal is to be the best person I can possibly be, and be happy just being that.
